Feeling Attracted or Needy towards Your Psychotherapist

Have you ever found yourself craving your therapist’s approval, feeling extra sensitive to their words or even feeling a strange pull towards them? You’re not alone.

This is something called maternal transference and it happens when we unconsciously project feelings about our early caregivers onto our therapist.

But is it healthy? Let’s talk about it.

What Is Maternal Transference?

Maternal transference happens when you start relating to your therapist as if they were a parental figure, especially a mother.

This can show up as:

Wanting their reassurance, approval or care in a deep, almost childlike way
Feeling abandoned or rejected if they set a boundary or can’t give you the response you hoped for
Repeating old relationship patterns, like expecting to be criticised or ignored
Getting emotionally attached and dreading the end of sessions

This isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it can be a huge clue about what’s still unresolved from childhood. The key is understanding why it’s happening and what to do with it.

What About Erotic Maternal Transference?

Sometimes, feelings towards a therapist can take on an unexpected, even confusing, attraction. This is known as erotic maternal transference, where the emotional pull towards a therapist includes elements of both maternal longing and sexual attraction. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re romantically interested in your therapist - rather, it’s often about deep emotional needs, longing for closeness or past attachment wounds resurfacing in complex ways.

If this happens, it’s important to:

Recognise that these feelings are about your past, not your therapist
Talk about it in therapy - it can reveal a lot about attachment patterns and unmet emotional needs
Avoid shame - these feelings are normal and part of deeper healing work

Why Does This Happen in Therapy?

Therapy is a space where we feel safe enough to open up about our most vulnerable thoughts and emotions. If you didn’t receive the emotional warmth, validation or support you needed as a child, it makes sense that your therapist might start feeling like the person you always wanted in your corner.

This is why maternal transference can actually be a useful tool in healing. It brings old wounds to the surface, giving you a chance to process them in a safe and supportive way.

Is It Healthy?

Yes, if it’s explored and worked through. Here’s how it can be beneficial:

It helps you recognise unmet childhood needs and how they still affect your relationships today
It can lead to a corrective emotional experience, where you learn what healthy, secure relationships feel like
It gives you a chance to practise self-reparenting, so you don’t rely on external validation to feel whole

But there’s also a risk of getting stuck in transference. If therapy starts feeling like an emotional lifeline rather than a place for growth, it might be time to step back and reassess.

What if You’re Becoming Too Dependent on Your Therapist?

Feeling attached to your therapist is normal, but it’s important to make sure therapy remains about you, not about recreating a parental relationship. Here’s how to keep it healthy:

Recognise transference when it happens. Instead of acting on those feelings, get curious about them
Talk about it with your therapist. A good therapist won’t shame you for feeling this way. They’ll help you unpack it
Practise self-soothing. If you notice yourself craving reassurance from your therapist, try giving yourself that validation first
Build a support system. Therapy is one piece of your healing, but having close friendships, hobbies and self-care routines helps prevent over-reliance

Feeling a deep emotional pull towards your therapist isn’t weird, it’s a sign that something important is coming up for healing. The key is to use it as an opportunity to understand yourself better and build emotional independence.

The therapeutic relationship mirrors the one you should have had as a child, filling the gaps of unmet childhood needs, but it is not there to replace it. Over time, clients internalise this support and learn to become the nurturing inner parent their inner child always needed. And that’s where the real healing happens.

Love and light,

Dorota

Hypnotherapist and counsellor

Founder of Holistic Transformative Therapy

Leeds, Harrogate, York

Get in touch

email: hello@holistictransformativetherapy.com

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