What Are Core Childhood Wounds?
Core childhood wounds are the emotional scars formed during early life when a child’s essential needs for love, safety, validation and acceptance go unmet. These wounds arise from feelings of separation - whether from caregivers, connection or a sense of self-worth. Early experiences like neglect, criticism or emotional unavailability leave children believing that something is inherently wrong with them. These beliefs solidify into core negative beliefs, such as:
"I am unlovable."
"I am not enough."
"I am powerless."
These wounds shape how we relate to ourselves and others, often manifesting as coping strategies, emotional pain or attachment issues in adulthood. The good news? Healing these wounds is possible through awareness, compassion and a reconnection with our inner child.
The Origins of Core Wounds
Our emotional world begins taking shape early in life, especially within our primary relationships. The way we attach to our caregivers forms the blueprint for how we connect with others later. When children feel safe, valued and loved unconditionally, they develop secure attachments, knowing that others can be trusted and that they are inherently worthy.However, when caregivers are unavailable, neglectful, shaming or inconsistent, these early relationships leave wounds. These wounds feel like proof that we are unworthy of love or destined to be hurt. To survive the pain, we adopt behaviours to protect ourselves - masks that hide the wound beneath. But these coping strategies only keep us stuck in patterns that reinforce the very fears we want to escape.
Understanding these core wounds and recognising the patterns they create is the first step toward healing.
How Core Wounds Shape Attachment Styles
The way our core wounds manifest in adulthood is often reflected in attachment styles. Psychologists describe four main attachment patterns:
Secure attachment: The belief that others are dependable and loveable.
Anxious attachment: A fear of being abandoned and an intense need for reassurance.
Avoidant attachment: A tendency to push people away out of fear of being hurt or disappointed.
Disorganised attachment: A chaotic push-pull dynamic, reflecting fear of both intimacy and abandonment.
When our early experiences of love are painful or inconsistent, we learn that relationships are either unsafe, unreliable or conditional. These core wounds linger in adulthood, influencing how we behave in romantic relationships, friendships and even how we connect with ourselves. By recognising the link between these childhood wounds and adult attachment patterns, we can begin the work of untangling our responses and healing at the root.
The Five Core Childhood Wounds and How to Heal Them
1. Abandonment Wound:
“I am unworthy of love because people always leave.”
The abandonment wound forms when a child feels emotionally or physically left behind by their caregivers. This wound gives rise to fears of being alone and unwanted. As adults, we may become clingy in relationships, constantly seeking validation or withdrawing out of fear that people will eventually leave.
Healing the Abandonment Wound:
Develop self-trust. Learn to keep promises to yourself to build inner security.
Create rituals of self-care. Establish routines that remind you that you are enough, even when alone.
Practise inner reparenting. Visualise yourself as the child you once were and imagine giving that child the comfort and presence they longed for.
2. Betrayal Wound:
“I cannot trust because people will hurt or deceive me.”
The betrayal wound emerges when a child feels let down by those they depend on. This wound creates a deep sense of distrust and can result in controlling or suspicious behaviour. Adults with this wound may struggle with trusting partners or friends, constantly waiting for something bad to happen.
Healing the Betrayal Wound:
Practice forgiveness. Not to excuse harm, but to release the emotional grip betrayal holds on you.
Work on setting healthy boundaries. Boundaries allow you to feel safe while staying open to connection.
Cultivate trust within yourself. Keep commitments to yourself and celebrate small wins to strengthen self-trust.
3. Humiliation Wound: “I am ashamed of who I am.”
Humiliation wounds develop when a child is made to feel embarrassed, degraded or shamed. This wound often results in low self-worth and fear of being judged. As adults, we may struggle with self-criticism, perfectionism or fear of being seen for who we really are.
Healing the Humiliation Wound:
Challenge negative self-talk. Replace harsh inner voices with affirmations of kindness and self-compassion.
Allow yourself to be seen. Take small steps toward vulnerability, sharing parts of yourself with those you trust.
Practice self-acceptance. Recognise that you are not defined by your mistakes or others' judgments.
4. Injustice Wound:
“The world is unfair and I must fight to be heard.”
The injustice wound occurs when a child feels that they have been treated unfairly, dismissed or denied what they need. It creates a strong sense of frustration and can lead to rigid perfectionism or a constant need to prove oneself.
Healing the Injustice Wound:
Acknowledge your anger. Anger can be a powerful signal that boundaries were crossed. Honour it without letting it control you.
Release perfectionism. Embrace imperfection and celebrate progress over perfection.
Reconnect with your values. Align your actions with what truly matters to you, rather than trying to meet external expectations.
5. Rejection Wound:
“I am unworthy because I will always be turned away.”
The rejection wound stems from experiences of feeling unwanted or excluded, often by caregivers or peers. This wound creates deep insecurity and fear of not belonging. Adults with a rejection wound may avoid relationships altogether or become overly accommodating to avoid rejection.
Healing the Rejection Wound:
Validate your worth. Remind yourself that your value does not depend on others' acceptance.
Surround yourself with supportive people. Create a circle of friends who see and appreciate you for who you are.
Practise self-compassion. Treat yourself with the kindness you would offer to a dear friend.
Embracing the Healing Journey: Moving from Fear to Love
Healing core wounds is not about erasing the pain of the past but about learning to meet it with compassion. As we work through these wounds, we discover that the fear and shame they carry no longer have to define us. With each step, we create new ways of relating to ourselves and others - ways rooted in love, not fear. This healing process is gradual. It requires patience, courage and a willingness to sit with discomfort. But each time we choose to be present with our pain rather than running from it, we reclaim a piece of ourselves. Over time, we move toward greater emotional freedom and a deeper connection with our authentic selves.
You Are Not Your Wounds: Reclaiming Wholeness
No matter what wounds you carry, you are not broken. Your essence - the part of you that is whole and worthy of love - has always been there, waiting to be rediscovered. Healing is about reconnecting with that essence and learning to live from a place of self-love, trust and acceptance.
If you feel overwhelmed, know that you don’t have to walk this path alone. Seeking the support of a therapist or trusted guide can help you move through these wounds with greater ease. Every step you take toward healing brings you closer to the love and wholeness you’ve always deserved.
In healing your childhood wounds, you are not only transforming your relationship with yourself but also changing the way you show up in the world.
If you recognise any of these wounds within yourself and feel ready to start healing, I am here to support you. As a psychotherapist and hypnotherapist, I provide a safe, compassionate space where you can explore and heal the emotional patterns holding you back. Together, we can work through abandonment, betrayal, humiliation, injustice and rejection wounds to help you reconnect with your authentic self, develop inner security and create meaningful (and lasting!) change.
You don't have to carry these burdens alone. Reach out today and let’s begin your healing journey.
Love and light,
Dorota
Hypnotherapist and counsellor
Founder of Holistic Transformative Therapy
Leeds, Harrogate, York
Get in touch
mobile: 07849 580021
Instagram: @holistictransformativetherapy
Facebook: Holistic Transformative Therapy
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